Changes: [When it came to editing and looking at my own essay, with this paragraph I added a quote and fixed all my run on sentences. I was told my transitions were good in this paragraph.]
The difficulties with working in areas that struggle poverty is that the people there have no pride for where they live and don’t care what it looks like because they believe nothing is going to change. That is why it is so important for art to be in these people’s lives because it opens up their perspectives on the world and that they can make a difference. When Haas and Hahn went to the city of Philadelphia and the area was broken down and dirty and perishing away, that’s when they decided they needed to help these people whether they had the money or not. So Haas and Hahn traveled all the way to the U.S and started their work. They lived with the people of the town they were working on and had cookouts and were able to hang out with them and even get to know them. “One of the guys that lived on the street, Elias told us that we could come and leave in his house together with his family which was fantastic.” Haas and Hahn really loved being able to bond with the communities they worked on. This allowed both men to see what the city was to the people from their perspective. They gathered enough volunteers and decided to get to work. They realized they couldn’t design something too elaborate that the volunteers could not do, so they decided to just paint random colors on the buildings which in the end looked beautiful. Even with color, it brought the community of Philadelphia together and it gave them confidence. Especially the volunteers who now knew that they could make a difference and that difference was made with art. Not money or wealth, but with precious art. Hopefully what Haas and Hahn did inspired the area of Philadelphia and other places around the world that are struggling, that change can be made simply by effort and trust in the process.

Changes: [In my conclusion paragraph, I was told I have a good closing sentence , but I had to add to further develop my paragraph and I did.]

Effective Altruists make valid points, but their values are quite different than mine. Art is never a waste of time in my eyes. Yes, art doesn’t stop children from starving and it can’t prevent diseases, but art can still change so many people’s lives. There could easily be a compromise between artists and the EA’S and that compromise could include everybody just focus on themselves, and what they can personally change in the world. It can give people hope and pride and even confidence to go out and be better and to change their ways for good. Art gives people perspective and people should learn to accept and cherish what it can do for us.

When reading “Shitty First Drafts” by Anne Lamott, there were some thing that I could connect too. One of the things she stated that I can relate to is when she said “Very few writers really know what they are doing until they’ve done it.” This is a big part of my writing because I tend to have run on sentences and a lot of grammar mistakes. I tend to not stop writing and just continue to the end and go back and correct everything , but I always miss some. Also when she said “So I’d start writing without reining myself in. It was almost just typing, just making my fingers move.” this is exactly what I’m talking about, I do this very often. I can’t control myself when I get an idea I just need to type it or write it down as fast as I can. After reading this I was able to understand exactly where I mess up in my writings or essays. This really opened my eyes to how I can fix my problems.

Revision Plan: When it comes to my writing, I have many, may things that I need to work on.  Including my grammar and spelling mistakes, along with transitions into new paragraphs. I have a rally hard time making connections between each paragraphs and I don’t know why. However, I would love to learn how I can accomplish this new writing strategy.

While I was reading and editing my peers papers it made me come to the realization that I myself still need to work on transitions between paragraphs and connections to the quotes I use. It also made me realize other people’s perspectives on subjects that you can either agree to or disagree too. It opened up my eyes to other opinions and ideas. Overall grading and being able to read over other people’s papers who are around my age and how they feel about art or music in this day in age was exotic , but fascinating for what they had to say.

After reading “Is it OK to make Art?” and watching the ted talk “How can public Art projects transform rough neighborhoods?”I made some significant connections with both pieces of information. When it comes to art in this world I absolutely do not believe it is a waste of time. Art can impact people more intensely than money can, along with the fact that art brings a certain joy to people in a way money can not. Especially in the ted talk I got to see a whole different side of art that I have never really taken the time to try and see. Urhahn and Jeroen moved people by just painting houses. By the simple kindness of painting houses they gave the people of Rio and Philadelphia and other places pride and hope that there is always something to be done in the world.

The brainstorming activity allowed me to throw out any ideas I felt were necessary to point out on paper. It made it easy for me to make connections or cross off an idea that didn’t support my claim. Finding connection between two pieces of evidence is harder than contrasting them. To compare two pieces of evidence that are not really supporting the same idea is difficult. However, the main idea that I found they both relate to is that art is good for this world. It brings happiness into peoples lives and gives them confidence. Art can make just as big of a difference as money.

In the TED talk that I chose to do called ” How can public Art Projects transform rough neighborhoods” by Dre Urhahn and Jeroen Koolhaas an amazing form of voluntary service gave people hope. Both Dre and Jeroen decided they were going to go Brazil and help lower class areas with poverty transform into beautiful, colorful pieces of art. Both men did multiple projects with two other helpers from Rio and together they made people smile again and know that there are better times. Soon, they got a call from Philadelphia in the U.S to help transform one of their poorest cities into a masterpiece as well. They kindly accepted the offer and began painting. With about a dozen other volunteers they made a rough neighborhood pop with color. Wherever they went around the world they got to have a bond with the people of the community which in the end is what they enjoyed the most.

The limits of the art discussed in the ted talk I chose was money. They were struggling to find the funding for the projects they were doing. Although they wanted to help as many people as they could they couldn’t do it all by themselves. They would need money for paint, supplies, etc. Dre and Jeroen  needed help and soon. People of these communities were getting anxious and wanting answers about such projects going on where they live. When Urhahn and Koolhaas first started this project they did not expect it to expand this much, their main goal was to help people transform where they live so they don’t have to feel lesser anymore. Eventually they started an organization and earned a little over 100,000 dollars. This is exactly what they needed to kick off the expansion of their project.

The power of the art discussed in the ted talk I watched was breathtaking.  If I’m going to be honest, when we first read “Is it OK to make art?” I thought the points they made in the text tended to be true. I thought how could art possibly help people from starving to death or prevent disease or even help them through this rough period. Then, I watched this ted talk and my whole perspective changed.  I realized that art really does impact peoples lives for the better. Art makes people believe again, makes them have confidence, makes them feel that they can do anything and not have to feel like they are what their home looks like. Some homes were still in the works of being built but never got finished but Urhahn and Koolhaas changed that. They truly helped these people with art, who would’ve known. Art made those people believe again, made them transform into new people which is way better than money in my opinion.

As I reread the text I honestly noticed so many more details that I happened to miss before. When I first read the passage I was negative and didn’t like the approach on how art doesn’t matter when it comes to world suffering. Art or music cant physically help end the worlds suffering but I believe that when people listen or look at such pieces of art or music that people can feel all type of different emotions. People can feel relief or encouragement or even anger by a piece that it forces them to do something to help other people or themselves. Art and music can touch people in ways nobody thinks until it finally reaches them spiritually. I also looked into the part in the text where when people are privileged they tend to not see the big picture. If you have the money and the ability to give to others who are suffering then people should do that. Now no ones saying that YOU have to give away if you have money or if your privileged, but compared to the people who can not give away it would be nice if they actually gave what they can.  When it came to “decoding the text” I think my understanding of the whole entire concept of the text was widened. I understand now more than ever that art and music can affect peoples lives like nothing else. As for annotating the text again, that was kind of difficult for me because I thought I had broken down every last piece of the text and it took me awhile to actually find other parts to comment on or highlight ;however when I did reannotate I got a better understanding of how some words are used because when I first annotated I circled a multitude of words I didn’t know and looked up their definitions. as I reread the sentences that these words were in it began to make sense. Anybody can make a difference on the Earth, anybody can provide assistance and kindness to people in need.

After being able to read and connect to “is it OK to make art” by Rhys Southan, there were certain ideas in the text that happened to stick out to me. My first major connection in the text was when Rhys mentioned the US documentary Searching for the Sugar Man (2012) about how Sixto Rodriguez helped t inspire anti-apartheid protestors in South Africa. However, this was kind of confusing to me how someone’s music could help protestors in Africa. Then, I began to look deeper into the text to see that with the right words people can be moved. The anti-apartheid protestors where moved by accident and had a serendipitous side effect rather than Sixto Rodriguez consciously trying to set out to change them. ‘By definition, most artists are mediocre, and their art doesn’t really please many people, if any.’ When looking at this quote it is completely clear what Rhys is trying to say. He’s trying to say that although many celebrities have money to burn or give away if they wanted too many to do give what they are able too. There are people in the world who aren’t able to listen to their music due to the state of poverty that they’re in, so making music and being able to make such a significant amount of money, but just spending it on luxuries that other people on this planet couldn’t even dream of is tragic.
The other connection that I was able to make was when Rhys mentioned the child drowning in a pond. In 1972 , a Australian moral philosopher Peter Singer published an essay called ‘Famine, Affluence, and Morality” which mentioned a certain experiment that for me made me feel a bunch of different emotions. The experiment was to imagine you saw a child drowning in a pond, would you save the child even thought you weren’t the one that pushed that child in or if saving that child meant your clothes were now ruined. When people first read about this experiment their first thought is probably “well of course I would save the child.” ; however that’s not the case when it comes to children suffering and dying from poverty and preventable diseases all over the world. When it comes to being the hero of a single child everybody wants to be seen as such. Sadly, hen it comes to children who sincerely need help in other parts of the world we ignore them because “we weren’t the ones that put them in those situations, its not our fault that they’re suffering, or we cant do anything about it.” Those excuses need to stop and we need to be able to step up and help the children suffering from situations that they DIDNT put themselves in. They didn’t choose to suffer, and go hungry everyday, or get sick nd have n vaccine or cure to help. They need people like us to help them because all we have is each other in this world. If we don’t start changing and helping other people then our race… the human race will die off.